The Eel

The Eel

Some of the worst cases of attachment Ive seen come from people who got hooked by THE EEL.

Definition of The Eel: someone who seems in your grasp, but then slithers away just when you thought it was going somewhere, only to reappear again as you give up hope.

This is akin to the mouse-cheese experiment I talk about in my Releasing a Person CD. The mouse would hurt itself when sporadically offered the cheese, whereas both the mouse who regularly got cheese and who never got cheese accepted the situation calmly.

If you are being distracted by an eel, I invite you to adopt my rule concerning eels. Dont touch! Eels seem to somehow NEED to keep you dangling, and it can be terribly exciting playing this game, but it doesn’t produce a soulmate relationship.

My Advice: recognize when youre swimming after an eel and change course. Yes, letting go of the hope will hurt, but every time someone swims in a different direction while doing my work, they end up finding their soulmate quickly. If you keep your eye on the love ahead waiting for you, it will make the release much easier.

If you are in doubt about whether it can work out or not (and in most cases, you are simply in denial), I suggest this technique for seeing if this relationship is salvageable.

• When the suspected eel lets you down -- disappears, doesn’t call when (s)he says, suddenly wants to cool things down -- give him or her notice. You can do this playfully, so it doesn’t become heavy, but draw a boundary here. “Flakes are just not my favorite cereal, if you get my drift. I’m liable to brunch elsewhere if it gets too flaky around here.” This takes back your power, while keeping it light.

• Keep track with a three strike maximum limit. If eel-like behavior shows up three times, this is a trend. It’s too much to ignore. Unless you want to continue in a frustrating, uphill battle to make this person become reliable, I would bail at this point.

• Do some release work, and remind yourself that your soulmate will leave no doubt that they want to be with you and they will be even hotter to you than the eel has been.

Love & support,
Kathryn

Read More..

Having Trouble Getting Your Ex Back Try This Instead

Wise people say that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. So many people, in the aftermath of an unexpected and/or unwanted breakup, find themselves falling into patterns of insanity while trying to get their exes back.

Its quite common.

Your heart is screaming so loud that it drowns out the things your brain is trying to tell you. The one thing your heart knows for sure is that it wants to stop HURTING.

It knows that the breakup is the source of the pain and it wants to fix it. NOW! The thing is, your heart says crazy things, such as: apologize, beg, and bargain. These are the things that will do far more to harm your cause than to see it through.

Instead of repeating all the things that arent working, lets try a different tactic this time around. Lets go for different results. Heres what you need to do instead.

Agree with Your Ex

Want to stop an argument dead in its tracks? Agree with the arguer. First of all, its a shocking experience. There have probably been many times in the course of your relationship together that youve continued an argument youd known you were losing just because you werent ready to admit defeat. Weve all done it.

Stopping the argument is one thing. Its a grudging acceptance, but one your ex can mentally process. However, AGREEING with your ex is a new tactic that will leave your ex reeling.

More importantly, it will leave your ex thinking of you in an intrigued and perplexed way. Your ex thinks he or she already knows whats coming next. Agreeing throws them off balance and reveals that you do, in fact, still have a few tricks up your sleeve.

Stop Trying so Hard

Im not advocating giving up. Im not even telling you that you shouldnt try to get your ex back. Im telling you stop working so HARD. You need to work SMARTER; not harder. The direct approach isnt going to work in the days and short weeks following your breakup. Youre going to need to do your best work behind the scenes if you really want to get your exs attention.

Begin with what you know about your ex. How did you win his or her heart in the first place? What is it about you that your ex has claimed to love the most? Identify that. Understand it and save it for later.

Next you need to identify where the problems started. Was there a specific event, argument, or misunderstanding that began a downward spiral for your relationship? What could you do now that would tip the scales once again in your favor? Now is the time for thinking and not the time for action.

Do you need help coming up with the exact plan of action or working out the timing of putting your plan into motion? More importantly, do you have a plan for what comes next? Once you get your ex back, you need to know what its going to take to keep your relationship on a more even path in the future. Let me help you with that and so much more.

Read More..

Holiday Love!

If you’re despairing at being single over the holidays, take heart! It is very common for people to meet their soulmate somewhere along the year end festivities. Perhaps it’s the intensified longing that brings love or the many parties or reaching out that is done during the season. But if you undertake the upcoming days with the right attitude, you may be surprised at what happens. Some tips on making holiday magic happen:

1. Put connection first and foremost. Do everything you can to bring enjoyment to your holidays. This puts you in a magnetic frame of mind & you’ll have fun even if love doesn’t come along.

2. Plan well. Keep your energy positive by setting up some treats for yourself such as spending time with friends, a good novel or even avoiding things that bring you down. Learning to take care of your own happiness is key to attracting love, even if the activity doesn’t seem directly related to meeting someone.

3. Appreciate the Season’s Gifts. Maybe time with family brings up your stuff (& by all means, minimize it if you need to or schedule breaks from them), but there are many things about the holidays to appreciate. Time off from work. Festive occasions. Gifts to unwrap and to give. Revel in the break from routine in any way you can.

I have no doubt that many will be emailing me with their delightful holiday love stories, and I hope YOU’RE one of them!

Holiday Heartbreak

Going through the holidays shortly after a divorce, a breakup, heartbreak or even a death can cast a pall on them. But you can make the best of the time and even find comfort in it. And if you use the above advice to find new love, you wouldn’t be the first to do so even as you grieve.

• Don’t expect life to be normal. You won’t be up to snuff, but you can choose a focus to minimize pain.

• Being with others and seeking connection with friends, family and meeting new people can help you to quit dwelling on the past.

• It is certainly a time for self-indulgence. You’ve never had a better excuse to opt out of things you don’t enjoy or to stay home all day in your jammies watching reality t.v. marathons.

• But don’t indulge in a pity party. Do a release and then replace it with hope for your future and some steps in that direction. Feeding the attachment by wallowing in it will put you through needless misery. 

Our Releasing a Person CD, available as a download immediately or as a hard copy CD contains the magical process of release that Kathryn is known for as well as tools for staying released and moving on with your life. Learn more about it here.


love and support,
Kathryn

---

December 27, 2010

Happy holidays! I hope youre having GREAT ones. Weve been at a Palm Springs resort with Jons family and 3 out of 4 of our boys. Swimming has been great and we actually rode a CAMEL at the Living Desert.

Im super excited about where we will spend winter, a SECRET well reveal later. But heres a hint: its tropical. Yes, our Portable Lifestyle continues.

Read More..

Silly Mistakes Derailing Your Efforts to Get Your Ex Back

How long have you been working to get your ex back without seeing any real results? Many people in your shoes are surprised to learn that it isnt what you arent doing thats holding you back. Its the things you are doing, that are working against you. Here are a few common roadblocks that could be derailing your trip back to relationship bliss.

You are Proud to be there for Your Ex

Its a noble idea. Really it is. However, if youre there for a friendly ear, a comforting shoulder, or a fast perk-me-up whenever your ex needs it from you, your ex isnt really missing out on the benefits of being in a relationship with you. Its getting all the fringe benefits of a loving relationship without putting in the work to keep things going. Instead, youre going to have to let your ex deal with the stings life delivers sometimes without the solace of your comforting presence.

You Keep Trying

I know this one goes against everything your heart (and to some degree your head) is screaming at your right now. However, in times of crisis, reason isnt even in charge of your head either. Reason rarely rules the heart. Why should a time of emotional distress be any different? One person cant do it all in the relationship.

Pat Benatar had it right when she sang, "Love is a Battlefield." Love is war and the winners, in love, have a plan. The tactical advantage goes to the one who retreats, assesses the situation impartially, and plans a strategic assault with victory in mind. You had better believe love is war. And you need to take a little time to assess your current position, the hostility of the terrain, and the best path to victory before you go in with guns (or in this case Cupids arrows) blazing.

You Attack from a Position of Weakness

Fans of NCIS know that team leader Gibbs is always telling his team not to apologize. According to Gibbs, apologizing is a sign of weakness. While thats a philosophical debate for the most part, when youre trying to save your relationship or get your ex back, it is often viewed, the leaving party, as a sign of weakness. You dont want to make your move from an inferior position. Instead, lead with your strengths.

Show your power. Establish your dominance. Come in swinging from a position of strength and dont ever let your ex see you sweat. Theres nothing sexier, to members of the opposite sex, than confidence. Be confident in yourself, your contribution to the relationship, and the fact that its just not time for this relationship to end.

Above all else, dont make a move until you know what youre going to do next. Have a contingency plan in place for a favorable outcome as well as a less-than-favorable outcome so that you dont come across as desperate if you dont win this round. Your mind needs to remain focused on the long-term prize of getting your ex back and every plan needs to ultimately lead you down that happy road.

Read More..

5 DRASTIC Dating Mistakes!

The WAY you date is the single biggest factor between you and your soulmate.

Dating badly can keep you in limbo – with no soulmate and all kinds of drama, rejection, frustration and heartbreak.

Not dating at all usually means you’ve shut down out of fear of the process. That’s understandable if you’ve dated like most people do: a pretty excruciating ordeal.

There is a very simple way to date effectively for your soulmate & nothing less. It is a dating method that tens of thousands of people have learned from me to produce the love of their lives in record time. This kind of dating is easy & fun and QUICKLY leads to your One.

Below I outline 5 Drastic Dating Mistakes:

 
1. Putting too much pressure on one date. If you build your hopes with each date, it can get in the way of your enjoyment of the person, create awkward exchanges and crush your hopes when it doesn’t work out. There is a different way of dating that is even-keeled, long-sighted and can actually make it fun.

2. Rejection Thinking If you look hard for rejection and take a blow each time it doesn’t work out, thinking that you’ve been “dumped,” then you are interpreting badly. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit. Your soulmate will be better than anyone who supposedly rejected you. In the meantime, you are putting yourself through needless drama for no reason.

3. Not Using Your “Power of Veto” Dating is a process of selection, and every single person knows this. You don’t need to feel guilty if there’s no chemistry for you. And you don’t need to settle for someone unavailable, unfaithful or just not right. Saying “no” is the first step to what you want.

4. Making It a Numbers Game Many think if they kiss 100 frogs, they’ll find their prince. They go through the motions to up their odds for love. The truth is that there are no odds. When you date spiritually, there is no random chance. There is only dating for your soulmate, a technique that eradicates dating drudgery completely and effectively pulls your One to you quickly.

5. Elevation Most who do my work end up with someone so hot to them that their biggest issue is learning it’s not too good to be true, accepting their good. There is a tendency to put people you find attractive on a pedestal and think they are out of your league. When you do this in dating, you count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. You need to learn an egalitarian method of dating, in which you see yourself as good enough for anyone (true).



Love & support, Kathryn

Read More..