Do I Have a Chance

Q:Ive been seeing this guy I really like. It started out super strong and now is petering out. Hes not calling as much, and doesnt plan ahead for dates with me. I wonder if I did something wrong that pushed him away . . . like be too needy. Do you think theres a way to make this work out? I want it to so badly. Do you think I have a chance with him still? Or did I blow it? Please help me, Kathryn.

A:I have good news. There really is a chance that it can work out! But we would need to test it out and do some things differently just to see. Heres the dating advice or protocol I would prescribe.

1.Have you been doing all of the heavy lifting? Like the bulk of the texting, phoning and emailing to set things up? If so, you need to slack off. Back off and give him a chance to initiate some contact and even some plans.

We dont want to force it into happening. There needs to be some reciprocity and mutuality of interest.

2.Let go a bit while being warm and connected when you do communicate. This looks like calling less, finding other things to be busy about and doing a release on him internally -- something you probably know is a specialty of mine. This is one dating advice you’d want to keep.

3.Get and stay at soulmate level. Your vibration is everything. You can make anything work out, attract just like you want and more when you are in the right place energetically. Neediness and desperation are at the bottom rung of attraction and will never get you what you want.

Soulmate Level is hopeful, released, happy and standing in how amazing you are. It brings just what you want to you.

4.Dont put all of your eggs in this one basket (of this guy no matter how much you like him). This is another dating advice you should take seriously. Look around and be open to others (if you arent in a committed situation which I gather youre not). Flirt and focus elsewhere.

I bless you for working this out. Its possible, and remember that no matter what, you get love with your soulmate. Hope you find my dating advice helpful.

Im sending you love & support!

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The Eel

The Eel

Some of the worst cases of attachment Ive seen come from people who got hooked by THE EEL.

Definition of The Eel: someone who seems in your grasp, but then slithers away just when you thought it was going somewhere, only to reappear again as you give up hope.

This is akin to the mouse-cheese experiment I talk about in my Releasing a Person CD. The mouse would hurt itself when sporadically offered the cheese, whereas both the mouse who regularly got cheese and who never got cheese accepted the situation calmly.

If you are being distracted by an eel, I invite you to adopt my rule concerning eels. Dont touch! Eels seem to somehow NEED to keep you dangling, and it can be terribly exciting playing this game, but it doesn’t produce a soulmate relationship.

My Advice: recognize when youre swimming after an eel and change course. Yes, letting go of the hope will hurt, but every time someone swims in a different direction while doing my work, they end up finding their soulmate quickly. If you keep your eye on the love ahead waiting for you, it will make the release much easier.

If you are in doubt about whether it can work out or not (and in most cases, you are simply in denial), I suggest this technique for seeing if this relationship is salvageable.

• When the suspected eel lets you down -- disappears, doesn’t call when (s)he says, suddenly wants to cool things down -- give him or her notice. You can do this playfully, so it doesn’t become heavy, but draw a boundary here. “Flakes are just not my favorite cereal, if you get my drift. I’m liable to brunch elsewhere if it gets too flaky around here.” This takes back your power, while keeping it light.

• Keep track with a three strike maximum limit. If eel-like behavior shows up three times, this is a trend. It’s too much to ignore. Unless you want to continue in a frustrating, uphill battle to make this person become reliable, I would bail at this point.

• Do some release work, and remind yourself that your soulmate will leave no doubt that they want to be with you and they will be even hotter to you than the eel has been.

Love & support,
Kathryn

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Holiday Love!

If you’re despairing at being single over the holidays, take heart! It is very common for people to meet their soulmate somewhere along the year end festivities. Perhaps it’s the intensified longing that brings love or the many parties or reaching out that is done during the season. But if you undertake the upcoming days with the right attitude, you may be surprised at what happens. Some tips on making holiday magic happen:

1. Put connection first and foremost. Do everything you can to bring enjoyment to your holidays. This puts you in a magnetic frame of mind & you’ll have fun even if love doesn’t come along.

2. Plan well. Keep your energy positive by setting up some treats for yourself such as spending time with friends, a good novel or even avoiding things that bring you down. Learning to take care of your own happiness is key to attracting love, even if the activity doesn’t seem directly related to meeting someone.

3. Appreciate the Season’s Gifts. Maybe time with family brings up your stuff (& by all means, minimize it if you need to or schedule breaks from them), but there are many things about the holidays to appreciate. Time off from work. Festive occasions. Gifts to unwrap and to give. Revel in the break from routine in any way you can.

I have no doubt that many will be emailing me with their delightful holiday love stories, and I hope YOU’RE one of them!

Holiday Heartbreak

Going through the holidays shortly after a divorce, a breakup, heartbreak or even a death can cast a pall on them. But you can make the best of the time and even find comfort in it. And if you use the above advice to find new love, you wouldn’t be the first to do so even as you grieve.

• Don’t expect life to be normal. You won’t be up to snuff, but you can choose a focus to minimize pain.

• Being with others and seeking connection with friends, family and meeting new people can help you to quit dwelling on the past.

• It is certainly a time for self-indulgence. You’ve never had a better excuse to opt out of things you don’t enjoy or to stay home all day in your jammies watching reality t.v. marathons.

• But don’t indulge in a pity party. Do a release and then replace it with hope for your future and some steps in that direction. Feeding the attachment by wallowing in it will put you through needless misery. 

Our Releasing a Person CD, available as a download immediately or as a hard copy CD contains the magical process of release that Kathryn is known for as well as tools for staying released and moving on with your life. Learn more about it here.


love and support,
Kathryn

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December 27, 2010

Happy holidays! I hope youre having GREAT ones. Weve been at a Palm Springs resort with Jons family and 3 out of 4 of our boys. Swimming has been great and we actually rode a CAMEL at the Living Desert.

Im super excited about where we will spend winter, a SECRET well reveal later. But heres a hint: its tropical. Yes, our Portable Lifestyle continues.

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UPDATING PART 1 The Approach

Q: Kathryn, I have an issue with guys Im intimidated by. I cant approach them, cant hold a coherent discussion and feel they would never be interested in me. I think I heard you mention something about updating one time. What is it and does that relate to my issue? Can you help me overcome this? I feel like it gets in my way as far as finding my soulmate goes.

A: Updating is basically dating out of your league. I dont believe in it but many buy into this notion. If you feel someone is scary to talk to because theyre desirable to you, you may believe that theyre somehow better than you. This is a false idea. There ARE NO leagues, only human beings looking to connect.

The next time that you see someone you find attractive, here are some suggestions on connecting with them.

1. Get rid of the idea that theyre better than you or could reject you. They cant. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit.

2. Remember were not all attracted to the same thing so there is probably a REASON that youre vibing with this person. Intend to explore what is there.

3. Shore up your energy so its not desperate, which is repellent. Remind yourself that you are special, a catch for your soulmate. Personality, I’d take this advice if I want to find my soulmate.

4. With no agenda other than connecting and keeping in mind that you are worthy of ANYTHING, approach the person and look him in the eye. Smile and ask him something about himself. Remember hes just a human being like you and needs to connect.

If you are fearful of approaching someone youre actually drawn to, like many that I work with, you automatically count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. I cannot be scared of approaching my soulmate. Make it a point to stretch into allowing connections with those you find attractive. If you believe in updating, then vow to be a master at it!

I send you love for conquering your "hot person" jitters. Your soul mate is the hottest person youll encounter just like my soulmate, so we have to get a handle on this issue.

Im going to continue exploring this topic of updating in the coming weeks, since I have so many questions from you all that relate. So check back with the blog soon or subscribe above so you dont miss anything.

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5 DRASTIC Dating Mistakes!

The WAY you date is the single biggest factor between you and your soulmate.

Dating badly can keep you in limbo – with no soulmate and all kinds of drama, rejection, frustration and heartbreak.

Not dating at all usually means you’ve shut down out of fear of the process. That’s understandable if you’ve dated like most people do: a pretty excruciating ordeal.

There is a very simple way to date effectively for your soulmate & nothing less. It is a dating method that tens of thousands of people have learned from me to produce the love of their lives in record time. This kind of dating is easy & fun and QUICKLY leads to your One.

Below I outline 5 Drastic Dating Mistakes:

 
1. Putting too much pressure on one date. If you build your hopes with each date, it can get in the way of your enjoyment of the person, create awkward exchanges and crush your hopes when it doesn’t work out. There is a different way of dating that is even-keeled, long-sighted and can actually make it fun.

2. Rejection Thinking If you look hard for rejection and take a blow each time it doesn’t work out, thinking that you’ve been “dumped,” then you are interpreting badly. There is no rejection, only the wrong fit. Your soulmate will be better than anyone who supposedly rejected you. In the meantime, you are putting yourself through needless drama for no reason.

3. Not Using Your “Power of Veto” Dating is a process of selection, and every single person knows this. You don’t need to feel guilty if there’s no chemistry for you. And you don’t need to settle for someone unavailable, unfaithful or just not right. Saying “no” is the first step to what you want.

4. Making It a Numbers Game Many think if they kiss 100 frogs, they’ll find their prince. They go through the motions to up their odds for love. The truth is that there are no odds. When you date spiritually, there is no random chance. There is only dating for your soulmate, a technique that eradicates dating drudgery completely and effectively pulls your One to you quickly.

5. Elevation Most who do my work end up with someone so hot to them that their biggest issue is learning it’s not too good to be true, accepting their good. There is a tendency to put people you find attractive on a pedestal and think they are out of your league. When you do this in dating, you count out the people most likely to be your soulmate. You need to learn an egalitarian method of dating, in which you see yourself as good enough for anyone (true).



Love & support, Kathryn

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How To Stop A Break Up From Happening The 5 Simple Steps To Saving Your Relationship

People break up every day. It’s a fact of life. But here’s another fact… in the majority of cases these relationships can be saved (and it’s much easier than you’d imagine). All that’s required is a strong desire to do so, a healthy dose of patience, and a plan that’s easy to follow and even easier to stick to. The purpose of this post is to give you a simple, yet highly effective 5-step strategy on how to stop your breakup so you can turn a fading relationship into a stronger, happier, and everlasting one.

The first of these five steps is to identify your faults in the relationship. In other words, what specific actions (or inactions) are you personally responsible for that drove it downhill? And while one person is never entirely to blame for causing a breakup, there are sure to be some things that you could hold yourself fully accountable for.

The second step is to create a plan of action to correct those faults immediately. Every second counts when you’re trying to stop a breakup because you never know when the “bomb is going to drop”. And it’s much easier to save a relationship than to start over altogether.

The third step is to take those faults and write them down on a piece of paper. Next, you should write a short description of how you’ll go about correcting them. Keep this brief and to the point and above all, maintain clarity (you’ll see why in the next step).

The fourth step is to take this paper that has now become a written plan and present it to your girlfriend (or wife). Make sure you do this in person. Find a time when she’s most receptive to hearing what you have to say and meet her to make your intentions known to her.

The fifth and final step is to act on your plan immediately… and stick to it! Again, every second counts when trying to avoid this breakup but from the moment you present your plan it counts that much more. Why? Because by presenting your “case” you’re making her a promise. And if you fail to follow through on this promise the breakup will be just around the corner.

Those are the five simple steps that form an overall strategy on how to stop a breakup. But don’t be fooled by their simplicity. Because when properly executed they form the foundation that holds all successful relationship together: a promise and the actions that follow through on that promise.

Need help getting back your ex? Click here for more information on how to get her back.

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