Dont Believe Me Just Watch!!

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Dont Believe Me, Just Watch!

Q: Kathryn, it is super hard to stay positive when all my friends keep shooting down my hopes for love. Theyre just so negative. And say my prospects are slim.

They get mad that I wont settle. And think I shouldnt hope for much.

How can I deal with this? So far, I get discouraged more and more of the time.

A: Let me tell you a story that will help.

Edie is one of my coaches and first discovered my work going through a divorce.

She was not exactly a spring chicken and was very fearful about finding love.

She did not want to grow old alone and yet her experience of love had been hurtful so she was scared about recreating that.

Friends and family told her to set her bar low, that at her age, she couldnt expect much.

This unthinking words made her even more fearful. After her painful divorce, she did not want to go through any more.

This is not uncommon.

When youre single, every fear that you wont find love or will have to settle will come up.

When I was single, I remember some of the hurtful things people told me:

"At your age, dont expect a good looking guy."

"All guys are having sex. Youll never find someone who is not involved, do dont even expect it."

I remember having to distance myself from one negative friend. It was just too hard when I was already feeling so vulnerable.

Edie went through the same gauntlet of naysaying and doubt.

Its something she and I had to overcome.

She healed from her past, and became strong, increasingly immune to her own fears and the negativity of others.

So to answer your question, the best way to deal with naysayers is the following:

1) Become increasingly immune to others who are negative

2) Keep hope in your heart and be careful about who you share your dreams with

3) Stay hopeful. Keep the faith

4) Do work that will back you up and fight against the deluge of naysaying you may encounter

5) Dont settle but keep your standard high

6) Build yourself up and remember you are a catch.

Edie and I worked on this together, and then, she met John. Not only is he an educated, handsome man but he is kind and adores her.

After dating for about a year, he proposed on Christmas Eve. In her 60s, Edie has experienced more romance than she could ever have dreamed of.
The newly married Edie & John

At their wedding, John thanked me several times for my support of him and their relationship.

He is truly in love with Edie and feels like he won the jackpot. She does, too. Everyone at the wedding was moved by their love.

At the reception, we all laughed when the song "Uptown Funk" was played. The chorus says:

"Dont believe me, just watch"

It was Edies victory dance -- that despite the naysaying, she triumphed and got what she wanted.

I hope youll vow to dance that same dance of triumph at your own wedding. You can!

All it takes it developing your faith that yes, you, too, can find love. Add to that ignoring the naysayers and doing some opening to love.

And you, too, will be singing "Dont believe me, just watch!" at your own nuptials.

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Great Career Bad Love Life!

 

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Q: Kathryn, Why is it so easy for me in other areas but so hard in love?

I have a great career that Im proud of. I have tons of friends, am close with my family and even head up a volunteer effort. But I cannot seem to find my guy, and love has always been hard for me.

Why is this and what can I do about it?

A: There are a couple of reasons this might be so.

1) Other areas like job are linear. Logical. An easy-to-see progression.

2) Secondary goals will have less resistance, but with a big goal, you will smack up into ALL of your resistance. The key is getting around it. But its valuable because you can really move if you face your blocks head-on. How?

• When I work with someone on an issue like this, well assess where the wall is

• It depends on the nature of your past relationships and even your childhood

• Once we pinpoint the blocks, we can put together a protocol to move forward. Some blocks might be sheer resistance. Others may come up as you interact with likely prospects

• It really helps that you have success templates in other areas. That can be put to good use

Heres an example of a woman that I helped.

During intake, "Sue" admitted she had never had a successful relationship.

The longest one shed had was 4 months, and it just fizzled after a while. He quit calling.

Sue was very head-centered, and like you, she had a very good career.

She tended to connect with men in work mode, not from her heart. And there was some past trauma thrown in there that added extra resistance.

We put in a protocol of:

- becoming more heart-centered when outside of work

- scheduled free, fun time

- worked on flirting and laughing and just enjoying herself

- Sue had to learn to create emotional bonding, too

But the upshot is the most lasting relationship of her life. She is engaged to a wonderfully charming man, and they are moving in together.

Yes, the things we want the most can seem elusive, but with some work at dissolving the resistance, they can still happen and happen quickly.

I bless you for finding your way through your own resistance.

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Is this your kryptonite !

Heres a great question someone sent me -- one I hear all too often.

[If youd rather hear this email, click on this link to hear the audio version. http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69510009]

Q: Kathryn, I think Im going to be sick if another person says to me: "Why is someone like you still single?"

They think its a compliment but it hits me in the gut.

Every insecurity I have that something is deeply wrong with me comes up. . . that even though I look normal and "should" have found love by now, Im just left out of love.

How can I handle this better? Its super painful.

A: Im sorry youre experiencing this, but theres an easy way to handle it.

First, lets get it straight that nothing is wrong with you. Youre just blocked in some way from love.

Youre not the only one. Id say 95% of the folks who do my work and then find love feared that somehow they were left out. But they werent, as they quickly discovered.

Secondly, let us prepave for a better experience. Youre taking this too hard because it hits your buttons. Come up with a breezy reply to dismiss the comment and change the subject so this moment can pass and not be so rough on you.

"Ive been concentrating on my career, so Im not worrying about it right now. My guy will come when the time is right."

Remember that the questioner is trying to compliment you, probably not realizing its a bit backhanded.

Let me tell you a story. An attractive woman came to me recently with this same issue.

No one could understand why she was still single and would drop comments like this to her all of the time. Each question hit her like a knife in the gut and intensified her feeling that she was left out of love.

Until I got hold of her :)

We worked on a breezy reply to stop this reaction on her part and skirt past the question quickly.

The genius reply we devised was flirtatiously responding: "And who wants to know?!" when someone asked her why a girl like her would still be single. She simply would not open up the subject of her love life to some wellmeaning acquaintance.

Keeping your love life to yourself is a great idea since when youre single and opening to love, you can be vulnerable. It should be a private.

Making this small tweak helped my client immensely. Her kryptonite was neutralized.

We adopted this same light attitude toward love in general, and I worked with her to start walking in her sexy magnetism that caused people to ask her that question to begin with.

It changed everything for her. She met a guy within a few weeks under an awning when a rainstorm suddenly began. They got to laughing and talking about the crazy storm, one thing led to another, and they ended up going for a bite to eat.

One thing led to another, and they have not been apart since. Their wedding is this September.

Is this a coincidence? Of course not! She had to get rid of her kryptonite and walk in her own strength.

This can be a tricky process to master, but it never fails to produce love.

I hope that youll come up with your own breezy reply and get on with finding love.

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