The Introverts Dilemma

Q: Kathryn, Im a pretty big introvert, and right now, Im miserable. I need my home time and find it hard to go out. And yet, I get super lonely at home because I havent yet found love. I need to get out for some companionship and yet this is hard on me. And I do feel pressure to get out to meet someone. What do I do? How am I going to get through the holidays?

A: I had this same problem when I was single, and I have a name for it: "The Introverts Dilemma"

Its hard because we introverts need our alone and home time and yet, it can get lonely there until we find love. Here are some suggestions:

1) Find a balance of staying home and occasionally getting out. Plan on some things to do, even getting proactive, so you arent miserable during the holidays. Ask friends and family what they are doing and while pacing yourself, do make some plans. You can even invite people over to your house for a gathering.

2)Remember that you may very well attract love while staying at home if you are doing my work. Its my specialty. But you will still need to connect with someone you dont yet know so youll need to be okay with going out with this person once you attract them

3) For introverts, one thing that works is developing a comfortable few places to go where you know folks -- a circle of friends, a spiritual center, a restaurant or a regular class. It feels more like home and in this way, youre expanding your ability to get out at least a little bit without undue stress.

4) Keep your end game in mind. When you meet your soulmate and seal the deal, youre living together and your delicious companionship is right there at home. This person gets your need for alone time and yet is there for you, and provides a great connection at home. Your love can often do the more extroverted chores like shopping and shlepping so this is really something to look forward to!

One Suggestion: I am teaching on a 7 day cruise in February 2015. This is very rare for me. If you come, the setup is that you will have built-in connections, including me and my family. I am including for anyone signing up through me some prep work to make connecting easier and an on-board scavenger hunt that will automatically cause you to meet others in a pressure-free, instructive way that will enhance your social skills. (You will not believe how many people have met and married from meeting at my events or made life long friends!)

We will have 7 days together, and my intention is for it to be a great time of making new friends, learning so much about heart connecting and possibly finding love, too. There will rarely be this kind of a chance to get out in a gentle, supportive environment, so I hope you join me and my fellow teachers. Find out more while you can still get in (its filling up) at this link:

http://www.divinetravels.com/ValentinesCruise2015.html

Im blessing you for finding your way through the Introverts Dilemma as so many of us have done. You have a bright future ahead of you, and you are absolutely supported in being the introvert that you are. There are many, many pluses to being an introvert, and you do get a love that fits in with your life perfectly!

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How Can I Get Rid of This Pain

A saying that I love is: “the pain will push you until the vision pulls you.” 

Heres a great question one of you sent in.

[to hear an audio version of this newsletter, click here]

http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69702789

Q: Kathryn, Ive finally released my ex, but now, I have new pain. I am so lonely that sometimes -- even though Im done with him and see he was not good for me -- Im tempted to call him just for companionship. And all my rejection-thinking is arising, too.

Ugh! Am I just so used to pain that I keep recreating it? I couldnt sleep at all last night. Please help.

A: This pain is fake. And we need to get rid of it.

I know it feels real, so why do I say that?

Its because its based on false premises.

In this case, it means that youre being pushed by the pain -- some past pain.

The reason I call it FAKE is because its assuming that you will always be in this place -- that vacuum that happens before love comes.

But do you know how many people Ive shepherded through this time into the arms of their One? Thousands!

And every one of them wished they had known what was ahead so they could skip the useless pain and be getting ready for the lifechanging moment when love walked in the door.

You have set a powerful intention to follow your dream of a soulmate, and this intention is at work on your  behalf, even when you’re not thinking about it.

If you can refocus on that, then youll be pulled by your vision instead of pushed by this needless pain.

Pain is an indicator that something needs to shift for you. Sometimes it’s something that you’re grieving, which is legitimate pain, but often the hurt is caused or exacerbated by you.

How do you cause your own pain?

• By holding on to a person who is not yours and being unwilling to move on

• By accepting a belief about yourself of about love that is limiting

• By letting people into your life who are hurtful to you and not supportive

• By taking things personally that aren’t (like “rejection,” which I don’t believe in)

• By having a narrow vision that is fear-based instead of full of the faith that love is still in the works for you.

The quickest way to relieve your pain is to examine how you’ve created it and do something differently.

Also, elevate yourself back to your vision for your life, dwelling on that instead. As you do so, there is no pain that won’t fade, no situation that’s irretrievable. A pain-free life becomes real.

Im blessing you for carrying on toward your vision. It will happen sooner than you can imagine!

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Is this your kryptonite !

Heres a great question someone sent me -- one I hear all too often.

[If youd rather hear this email, click on this link to hear the audio version. http://events.instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=69510009]

Q: Kathryn, I think Im going to be sick if another person says to me: "Why is someone like you still single?"

They think its a compliment but it hits me in the gut.

Every insecurity I have that something is deeply wrong with me comes up. . . that even though I look normal and "should" have found love by now, Im just left out of love.

How can I handle this better? Its super painful.

A: Im sorry youre experiencing this, but theres an easy way to handle it.

First, lets get it straight that nothing is wrong with you. Youre just blocked in some way from love.

Youre not the only one. Id say 95% of the folks who do my work and then find love feared that somehow they were left out. But they werent, as they quickly discovered.

Secondly, let us prepave for a better experience. Youre taking this too hard because it hits your buttons. Come up with a breezy reply to dismiss the comment and change the subject so this moment can pass and not be so rough on you.

"Ive been concentrating on my career, so Im not worrying about it right now. My guy will come when the time is right."

Remember that the questioner is trying to compliment you, probably not realizing its a bit backhanded.

Let me tell you a story. An attractive woman came to me recently with this same issue.

No one could understand why she was still single and would drop comments like this to her all of the time. Each question hit her like a knife in the gut and intensified her feeling that she was left out of love.

Until I got hold of her :)

We worked on a breezy reply to stop this reaction on her part and skirt past the question quickly.

The genius reply we devised was flirtatiously responding: "And who wants to know?!" when someone asked her why a girl like her would still be single. She simply would not open up the subject of her love life to some wellmeaning acquaintance.

Keeping your love life to yourself is a great idea since when youre single and opening to love, you can be vulnerable. It should be a private.

Making this small tweak helped my client immensely. Her kryptonite was neutralized.

We adopted this same light attitude toward love in general, and I worked with her to start walking in her sexy magnetism that caused people to ask her that question to begin with.

It changed everything for her. She met a guy within a few weeks under an awning when a rainstorm suddenly began. They got to laughing and talking about the crazy storm, one thing led to another, and they ended up going for a bite to eat.

One thing led to another, and they have not been apart since. Their wedding is this September.

Is this a coincidence? Of course not! She had to get rid of her kryptonite and walk in her own strength.

This can be a tricky process to master, but it never fails to produce love.

I hope that youll come up with your own breezy reply and get on with finding love.

?

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