Total Disaster

Hi, there! 

Here’s another question one of you sent in that I’m answering today for my new regular Q & A.

This person went through a very rough time, and I want to help her and help you, too.

Q: The other day, I had a total   disaster happen. 

First, I saw my ex with his new girlfriend,

and blurted out something super inappropriate

(yes, I’m bitter).

I was humiliated and upset. 

Then, I had a blind date from the internet which was just awful.

He was really attractive, but I was in such a 

funk from seeing the ex that I was in a foul mood, stuck my foot in my mouth and felt a fool.

Of course, that date didn’t last long  

(I don’t blame him for not being interested), and then, I had a minor fender bender on the way home. 

I have not had panic attacks in years, 

but I had one. 

It took me hours to be okay, I pretty much didn’t sleep the night, and the following days have been pretty terrible.

It’s like there’s a black cloud hanging over me.

Is there any hope for me in love?

A: Of course there is! 

We all have had bad times in love, and as horrible as this has been for you, it’s not even the worst I’ve heard. 

But you still have every hope.

You and your love will one day laugh over this.

So, how do you move beyond the black cloud? There are only three things you can do to remove yourself out of the funk.

What happened in this case is that you got such a negative momentum going that it was hard to stop it in the middle of the downward movement. 

The good news is that momentum will peter out if you don’t feed it. So, when it gets THAT bad, here are the 3 things that can work.

I would do one of these as soon as you see the downward momentum starting to happen so it doesn’t compound the way it did in this case (bless your heart!)

1) Take a nap.

You may have heard my “go lie down” philosophy. 

If the going gets rough, check out for a while. You’ll wake up feeling better, fresh and can work on a more positive momentum.

2) Meditate. 

Studies confirm 

that meditation is so powerful that it can circumvent automatic reflexes, ease up on our fight-or-flight instinct and completely change our state. It’s why meditations are always included in my work. 

Meditation is a great way to change your state, especially if it’s chronic.

3) Distract yourself. 

It really helps to go watch a silly program, pick up a good book, love your cat or involve yourself in a project.

You can come back to the subject of love when you feel better, and it’ll be so much easier to get positive momentum going.

If you don’t feed the negative momentum by continuing to act from an off-center place, you have no idea how quickly things can get good for you. 

Love could show up tomorrow!

I bless you for feeling better & finding the new lease on life that awaits you.

Try those 3 things the next time you feel yourself going down a black hole.

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Does Age Matter

Q: Hi Kathryn,

I think you may be the only person who can give me solid, unbiased advice on my current love life. I need help!

Ive been dating a man for the past few months and we really hit it off. Spending time together and getting to know one another was a blast and it was so easy. We really click. But once he started getting really emotionally attached to me, and I to him, he put on the brakes. The completion is that I am 25 years younger than him. The age difference doesnt bother me but he has leftover hurt from a younger woman he started a few years ago. He believes that after we fall in love, in 5 or 10 years, I will realize that Im with an old guy and wont want to be with him because of it. Which would break his heart and make life unbearable for him. I told him there are no guarantees but I could see us being happy together for a long time because I really like the person he is. If not for this issue, I think we could be happy together. Would my soul mate be so afraid of me breaking his heart that he would hold me at arms length? Should I try to hold onto him when hes so afraid of what our future may hold?

Awaiting your advice,

A: The answer is “No!” Your soulmate would not be so afraid that he could not move forward. My rule is to give it one more really good try to get through to him, and if he is still paralyzed by fear, then move on, as hard as that might be. Remember you can always let go, and if he’s not the one then, someone else is, so you’ll be going toward your One.

How to broach the subject? Ask him for some time, get together, chitchat and enjoy each other so you’re in  a good mood before you bring up the subject. Then, look him in the eye,  touch him and tell him this: “Age only matters with cheese and wine. Love doesnt recognize age. It doesnt matter to me, and couples with greater age differences than us have worked it out. We can’t live our lives out of fear for the future. I’m not your ex. I want to be with you, and you know we have something good. Can you give us a chance?”

Really listen to his answer. If he still cannot get over this, I would not keep trying. It should not be this hard. You’ll have to move on, but rest assured if he still can’t move forward, there will be even better in your future. Love & support!

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Love Life HIJACKED !

Q: Kathryn, my mom is getting dementia, and I’m faced with moving her into a facility – which is going to be a process. I’ve also got a gigantic project at work that is stressing me out. I fear that my love life is being hijacked. I was just feeling ready for love, and now all of this! Should I just give up for now, or is there still hope for me and love?

 A: In my books, I recount stories of people who have found love at the most unlikely times.
 

• A woman bald as a cueball undergoing chemotherapy for cancer who fell in love with one of the clinic workers.
• A man whose mother had died who met his future wife at the funeral.
• A writer on book deadline – completely stressed – who met her fiancé in a café she hung out in to get some chapters done.

Your future is SO bright you need shades! That has not changed. This blip on the radar is NOTHING in comparison to how good it will get for you. If you don’t have your soulmate, then the best is yet to come.If you can maintain a hopeful attitude, even as you tend to what’s in front of you to deal with, then love can still come at any time.

 Love is so magical that it is always limitless in when and how it shows up.

 Remember that, and I bless you for getting your mom settled well, your project successfully completed & still finding many moments of job . . . and yes, even love . . . along the way.

Im sending you love & support for hanging in there until love shows up.

Love & support, Kathryn

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