The Allure of the Unavailable

Spiritually speaking, we are so deeply hardwired for freedom that it can make unavailable people look good. It keeps US free (yes, this can mean YOU are unavailable!) if we pursue or wait for someone unavailable.

Attracting unavailable people and worse, paying attention to them (as in – giving them the time of day) can delay your journey into the arms of your soulmate. Some tips on dealing with unavailability:

1. When someone says they’re unavailable, they discreetly may be leaving off the words “to you.” Believe them and move on.

2. You may be chronically hanging out with unavailable types, even attracting them, because YOU’RE the unavailable one. If so, work on dissolving your fears about going deep into love so you can be available for the love you want.

3. It’s okay to go slow and make yourself available gradually, rather than all at once. If done not from fear, but from legitimate honoring of one’s self, this is a powerful step. And you may not feel available right away, taking time to warm up and trust your love interest. That’s ok.

4. It’s enticing to dance around with someone unavailable. The longing & obsessing can be enjoyable, in a strange way. And further, the elusive one can become an object to be attained, a challenge. However, this has nothing to do with love – which is why once the object of attention is gained, it can lose the allure.
At its worse, unavailability becomes a game that delays love and while perversely enjoyable, will hijack your beeline to love. The good news is that as you come together with your soulmate, (s)he will be completely available to you and vice versa PLUS the allure is there and proves to be lasting.

Heartbreak Corner: The Bat


Attachment can sometimes make people self-flagellate. In my June once-a-year Releasing a Person Workshop, a number of people came up to me upset that their ex seemed to be living the high life with their new love, whilst they were suffering badly from the breakup, unable to move on. It made things worse as they tortured themselves with thoughts of their ex in the throes of ecstasy.

Give me a break! They really didn’t know what the ex was enjoying or not enjoying because they were not in the ex’s shoes, but they were using the thought of the ex as a weapon to wallow in their misery. Why do we do this to ourselves? It is more painful than hauling out a bat and beating yourself about the head (seriously).

If you have been guilty of beating yourself up with thoughts of someone else thriving as you suffer, stop that! Put down the bat and learn a new pattern. The best way to do so is to determinedly turn your thoughts back to your own life – to where you want to go and focus on that. It’s the quickest way to move on into your own love dreams, which are even juicier than the ones you’re casting others in (and will happen as you move on).

love,
Kathryn

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July 19, 2011

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My 2nd Birthday :-)

Hi from LA, where it’s so fun to celebrate my and others’ birthdays with family and friends – there’s no place like home!

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No Mans Land

The moment that you meet someone interesting, there is a tendency to get a bit crazy. What happens? Hope arises which in turn can bring up vulnerability, fear and anxiety. We used to see people in the Crisis Clinic suffering far too much over a new dating situation.

Because my work sees so much manifestation, we’ve had a rash of “no man’s land” panic lately. Up half the night waiting for a text. Agonizing on whether (s)he’s right or not. An anxiety attack over the thought of losing him while he’s on a trip.

My advice? Calm the heck down. Here’s how:

1. Remember that God doesn’t meet you ½ way or ¾ of the way. You GET your soulmate, no matter what.

2. Remind yourself that we all have different communication styles and some people might not phone as often. It doesn’t mean they’re not interested.

3. Get busy with your life. Do not hover over the phone or keep checking for emails. As things blossom, you’ll have less time, so get your ducks in a row now. It’ll take your mind off the obsessing.

4. Take heart in the fact that you’ve met someone interesting. If you’ve set an intention for soulmate love, it’s already a done deal. This interest – regardless of whether it leads to more – is a sign you’re heading in the right direction.

Bottom Line: don’t let fear take away from your relishing this experience. You get love no matter what, so why not relax into the deliciousness of this interaction?

Heres to a FUN dating experience!
love,
Kathryn

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August 29th, 2011
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Cover of San Diego Magazine the Week We Were There - ha ha!

???? Dear One,

It has been super busy, and I apologize for not updating sooner.

There is a period of time that I call no man’s land. It’s the time that starts when you connect with someone interesting up until there is a commitment (if one happens). This is the most crazy-making phase of dating I’ve ever seen (self-induced). If you’ve experienced “no man’s land,” keep reading for some tips on less suffering and more enjoyment.

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Dating Out of Your League

A term that you often hear in the singles world is dating "out of your league". If you’ve been doing my work for a while, you can predict what I’m about to say.

There is no such thing as dating out of your league. We are all equals and any concept that negates that truth is doomed to fail. But too many buy into it, getting intimidated by someone they find hot (who by the way, is MOST LIKELY to be your soulmate). Thinking this way needlessly delays love.

The most effective thing you can do to come together with your soulmate is to get RID of limited thinking like this – it can hold you back. How?

1. Shore up your self-esteem. The more you elevate your sense of self-worth (as opposed to tearing your love interest down, something that some dating systems advocate!), the easier it will be to approach and connect with someone you find attractive.

2. Strive to see those you have deemed intimidating as human, just like you. They’re breathing the same air, need to be heard and may just be your soulmate, since one indicator of soulmate love is crackling chemistry.

3. Don’t cast yourself as undeserving feeling like you have to EARN love or bend over backwards to make it work. You deserve love just by your very existence and working for it sets up a bad dynamic.

4. Get USED to connecting with those you find hot. Look into their eyes, give a little smile, perhaps a wink and even say something. The more you practice, the more you’ll be able to realize that no one is ever too good for you.

love,
Kathryn

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May 31st, 2011

Julian and Me in a Caribbean Cave

It has been a whirlwind of a month that saw us leaving Antigua to spend our last two weeks in the Caribbean in the Virgin Islands. Six islands in two weeks might have been pushing it but it was great! Then, back to the US after 5 months in the Caribbean to attend my firstborn, Calvins, college graduation in Monterey (congrats, honey!) and then it was off to Las Vegas to warm up.

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